Going home today (we hope!)

This little girl is a trooper, but she definately has a grumpy side. She's been like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - she's either calm, cheerful, and accomodating, or just plan mad at what she has to endure. I can't blame her a bit. She's hardly complained about her leg/ankle hurting at all, but she sure is not a fan of her catheter, the epidural line, oral medicine, blood pressure cuffs, etc. She DOES enjoy the goldfish crackers they supply, and the vast array of princess movies available. We are on our third screening of Snow White as I type.

At about 1 pm the pain specialist came to remove the epidural - Eva was in a down cycle and fussed and cried about having the tape removed (from my own epidural experience I remember that it was the most excruciating part of labor and delivery), then she was upset about the removal of the catheter. For as much as she hated those two intrusions to her body, she was pretty upset after getting them off! The physical therapists came and she was still so upset and tired that we could barely get her to use the little walker (a requirement for going home today), and now at 3 pm she is a completely different child. She's hopping around like she's done this for months and is soooo happy to be unfettered. They gave us the choice of spending another night, but I'm already packed and ready to go - just waiting for the little walker and wheelchair they are renting for us.

Thank heavens this part of the ordeal is over (though it hasn't been too bad, as far as hospital stays go) but we realize we have follow-ups and lots of therapy, and the outcome is far from certain. I just hope that all this will result in a fairly normal life for this amazing girl. She may not be a prima ballerina or a gold medal runner, but as long as she can dance with joy and run after the other kids on the playground, life will be good.

Now it is 3 pm and she is a completely

Eva is out of surgery

I really am a lousy blogger. We've even had fun and interesting stuff to write about, and I still can't come up with a blog entry. I think it is the photos that keep me from writing more often - I can't find an easy way to resize the photos so that they take up less memory, and most days I don't feel like doing the 4 or 5 step process to get them from my camera to this point. But today I make an exception, because it is a day I don't want to forget (though Eva may well want to).

We arrived at Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake City this morning at 7. We were able to meet with her doctors before they took her back for surgery, and get the full details on what was happening today. The anesth. wanted to give her Versed before taking her back, just so she was more relaxed, and I am happy to report that we finally have one child who is not an angry drunk! Eva is so funny when she's doped up on that stuff, sweet, ("Helllloooo Mammmmmma") and sooo not like Josh and Esther, who get really mad on that stuff. I wish I could remember the term for what they did today, it was something like tibular osteotomy. Basically they broke both the bones in her left leg to straighten them out some, added a small section of bone to her shorter tibia, added a screw into the growth plate of her longer fibula, and cut notches into her achilles tendon to help stretch it out. Sounds gruesome, but the result is a big pink cast with pink toes poking out of the bottom, and her foot facing forward, as it should. Hoo and ray!

She has, for the most part, handled it like a champ. They decided, after they got in there, that she would do better with an epidural to control pain, and she hasn't complained too much about her leg, but she sure hates the catheter that goes along with the epidural. The most painful part (if I recollect my own epidural experience) will be tomorrow when they remove the needle and pull off that horrendous tape that has been holding it in place. She fussed some, but never really hollered, and was most relaxed as we started making our way through the Surgical unit's princess movie collection.

She perked up quite a bit this evening when Mike and I loaded her into a wheelchair and went down to the cafeteria for some ice cream. I went out for a short run before Mike left, and found myself trapped behind the University Hospital with no way to get through back to Primary's. Finally a security guard took pity on me and opened a door for me - hospitals are the modern version of the labyrinth, I swear!

I got a quick shower (with very feeble water pressure) before Mike left for home (he has to work Thursday & Friday) and Eva and I were settling down for the night when she started itching like crazy. She's been doing this off and on throughout the day, so finally I asked for some Benadryl, and made the colossal mistake of giving her the medicine myself, forcing it into her cheeks when she balked. Dumb, dumb, dumb! Never be the bad guy when there is a perfectly good nurse ready and willing to take the fall! Eva was pretty upset with me that I forced some medicine on her, so it took her another half hour to settle down, but now she is asleep, and I'm going to try to sleep a little as well.

Being here is a sobering experience. Just when you think life is hard for your poor child, you see someone else's child who is suffering far worse, and you wonder how that family survives it all. Twice today we heard LifeFlight come and go, and I wondered about those little children, and their families. There is a lot of hope here at this hospital, as some families come knowing their child will get better (like ours), but there are other families who are devastated by what brings them here. Makes me not want to whine about anything. Don't worry, that will only last me a day or so, and then I'll be back to my normal whining self!

Other posts to follow, hopefully, as I try to stave off boredom during the millionth screening of the Little Mermaid, will include Yellowstone, our trip to the SLC temple to have Eva sealed to us, and the Wasatch Back Relay. Maybe I can even post a few pictures...

Happy Gotcha Day

Two years have gone by since that day when a scared little girl wrapped in a pink blanket was placed on my lap.  We weren't ready with the camera or recorder, so those first few moments live only in my memory, but I will never forget the instant intense love I felt for this tiny creature who would screw up her face to cry every time I looked at her.  I just held her close and whispered, "Bie ku, bie pa," (don't cry, don't be afraid).  I was willing to move heaven and earth for this little girl, and heaven help the poor soul who tried to take her away from me.

Last night we went to our favorite Chinese restaurant to celebrate, and Esther's fortune cookie had a slip of paper that summed her up perfectly: You will bring sunshine into someone's life.  My dear girl, you are Sunshine Incarnate!  Yes, you have cloudy days on occasion, and the arrival of a sister has brought a few stormy moments, but you still shine, shine, shine, and bring such joy to those around you!  I'm soooo lucky to be your mom!

I know, I'm a terrible blogger

Well, it has been over 2 months since I've shown my face here in blogger land, and I have serious doubts as to whether there are any terribly bored souls who even bother to check back here.  I really don't have any excuse, except that I'm lazy and unorganized and I'd rather curl up on a couch with a good book than try to put coherent sentences together about the crazy happenings at our house.  We're still here, and things are going surprisingly well, considering just over 2 years ago I had two children, and today I count 5.  Sigh.  I cannot keep up with laundry, dishes, feeding so many people, and the astonishing amount of crumbs that keep appearing under my kitchen table, even though I just vacuumed 15 minutes ago!!! 

Today (it being Mother's Day and all) I've thought lots about this incredibly frustrating, exhausting, wearying, tiring, draining (yes, I know they all mean basically the same thing, but I'm going for emphasis here) job of being a mom, and all I can say is:  I love it.  I'm so glad to be a mom, and I wouldn't change jobs with anyone, anywhere, ever.  That isn't to say I'm singing a cheerful tune all day long (would it kill these kids to pick up their socks!?!) but I wouldn't trade it for the world.  Thank you Josh, Caleb, Eva, Esther, and my loaner child Jason, for making me a MOM.  

I suppose you may be wondering how Eva is fitting in.  I am amazed to think that 2 months ago we were just meeting her.  There was definitely a big Eva-sized hole in this family, and she has fit it perfectly.  She is an amazing soul, and I'm so proud and thankful that she is as resilient a creature as she is.  She was prepared for a new family, prepared to love, to try again, to forgive, to find her niche.  She has, from the beginning, LOVED having a mom and dad, and sometimes I feel a little smothered.  She lately learned, "Look at me!" and will say it about a thousand times a day.  I am ashamed to admit that it happens so often that I have trouble mustering up enthusiasm when she shows me how she can slurp up a noodle, and really, I've seen her do the same thing with the last 30 noodles.  She seems almost desperate for approval, and I feel guilty when I roll my eyes when she calls for my attention, again, after a brief 10 second break.  Still, I have to remind myself the enormous upheaval she has endured, and how much worse she could behave, and still be considered normal.  She has been very forgiving of Esther, who can't quite decide if having a sister is the best or worst thing to happen to her.  They have had some, shall we say, territorial issues, and they watch each other like hawks to make sure neither has the advantage.  That wears me out more than I can say!  I have to keep a careful tally of who had the pink bib last, and who used the ABC spoon, and who got to sit on my right side in the hammock last (yes, they even fuss over which side of me they think is better), and on and on and on.  Still, they get along better than Josh and Caleb did at this age (or any age) and the confrontations seem to be vocal rather than physical.  I forget that Esther is only 3, and has suddenly had to share what used to be exclusively hers (like me during the day).  A good friend reminded me that it would be like Mike bringing home another wife, and telling me to share all my stuff, be nice, treat her like I love her, etc.  Thanks for putting it into perspective, Anne!  Eva has started to whine when she's tired and wants something, but I don't put up with that!  And she's quick to figure it out.

Eva's language is coming along nicely.  She used to rattle off in Chinese if she wanted to express something, but now is making a real effort to put it into English.  I suspect she is using more English words than we recognize, but we learned that she is tongue-tied (the membrane connecting the bottom of her tongue to the inside of her mouth is connected farther along the tongue than normal, and she can't make some sounds) so we've got surgery scheduled in a few weeks to take care of that and her one tooth that has serious decay.  It is actually two baby teeth fused together, but where the teeth meet there is no enamel, so there is decay all along that line, front and back.  I've seen her trying to brush the dark stuff off that tooth, so I think she's not only aware, but a little self conscious about it.  Her foot surgery isn't until the end of June, and that can't come fast enough for me.  I don't look forward to spending a few days in the hospital, and all the pain and discomfort that Eva will endure, but I can't wait until she can walk, run, and skip with two feet squarely on the ground.  She is developing some serious callouses on the side of her foot, and I try to keep them and her scars moisturized (ever tried Bag Balm?  It is used by dairy farmers to treat cracked cow teats, and it smells rather unpleasant, but boy that stuff works).

Ah, I wanted to add pictures, but I'm starting to misspell a lot of words and doze a little.  Time for bed!  I'll try to post again before two months have gone by, but no promises, folks!

Travel blog/itinerary

I know there is a way to use this blogger from China, but it takes some back-door sneaking in, and I just don't have any confidence in trying to sneak around the internet.  So, I'll stick with the tried and true and post our travels on the site we used last time around.  If y'all are interested, check us out at www.journeytome.com and click on Adoption Journals.  User id: housley, password: daughter.

We leave for my parents' house tomorrow, Monday, theoretically by 3pm, but if I know us (and I do) we'll be lucky to leave by 6pm.  I really, REALLY want to get a decent night's sleep before we begin a very long travel day.  I know, wishful thinking.

Here's the basic outline:  Tuesday: fly to San Francisco, then on to Beijing, arriving Wednesday afternoon (China time).  Eat quick dinner, collapse into exhausted slumber.

Thursday/Friday: touring in Beijing, hiking Great wall, take overnight train to Xi'an.

Saturday/Sunday: tour Xi'an, including the terra cotta warriors, and church in Xi'an (yes, they have an LDS branch there!)  Fly to Wuhan.

Monday-Friday: meet HengAi on Monday morning, do adoption and passport paperwork, tour Wuhan.

Friday: (the 13th!  The boys think we're doomed) fly to Guangzhou.

Saturday-Tuesday: finish up adoption paperwork, tour, and try to blow the last of our spending money.  Tuesday evening, take a train to Hong Kong.

Wednesday: maybe Hong Kong Disney.  We'll have to see how we are all faring at that point.

Thursday: Fly home!  We might make it back in time for cub scout pack meeting.  :)

All of this is subject to change, of course.  I'm feeling a little exhausted by it all already!

Travel Approval at last

I've gotta hang out with my friends more often. Barbara, Anne and I meet for lunch on Thursdays, each taking a turn being the host, and this week it was Barbara's turn. I was just lamenting my sorry state of affairs when my cell phone rang. Great news! Our TA was in and she had already requested a consulate appointment. Even better news, no matter which of the 3 days we get, we still get to leave on March 3! Gotcha (the day we meet her) is scheduled for March 8 or 9 (Happy B-day Matt). Suddenly the sun shone brighter, the sky was bluer, and the clouds in my head and heart were blown away. We are going to China! The funny thing is, I was at Anne's house for lunch when we got the call that we had HengAi's file locked in. These ladies bring me such good luck!

Of course we can't buy tickets until our cons. appt. is confirmed, but at least I know enough to start researching specific tickets. The only sad part is that we will miss the other family adopting HengAi's friend by one lousy week. I was really sad about that, but at least we will be able to help the girls Skype each other. Oh, and I think we have actually settled on a name before receiving this child - a record for the Mike Housley family! We have always liked the name Hannah, but it just seemed wierd to give this poor girl so many H's in her name: Hannah HengAi Housley. But it seems to fit her (so far - we'll have to reevaluate when we meet her) so we're rolling around Hannah HengAi on our tongues. Just the poor girl's luck; she'll fall in love and marry a Hayden Henry Hansen.

This photo is our first annual "Bear Hug" photo for Valentine's Day. One of the few where Esther has a grin instead of a grimace. She is such a lovely girl, but cannot manage a normal smile for a photo - she always seems to look like she has an underbite and angry eyes. We just have to catch her off guard!

I've got TABS

Otherwise known as Travel Approval Blues Syndrome.  Some of the symptoms include lack of energy, intense cravings for chocolate, and an aversion to housework (or anything productive, really).   Also the inability to keep away from the telephone or email, despite the lack of any encouraging signs of new and long-awaited information.  It also keeps you from concentrating from the task at hand, such as laundry.  I sprayed all of Esther's food stained clothes with Febreze instead of Spray 'n Wash.  Sigh.  I've got it bad.  

When we were waiting for Esther, this part of the wait was pure agony.  I wish I could describe it to those of you who have not gone through this, but I think it is a bit like trying to describe childbirth.  You really cannot find the right words.  Sometimes you even forget yourself how it was, but when those contractions start up, you think, "Oooooh, I remember this.  This is gonna hurt!"  I guess I'm having contractions, friends.  I admit, I tried to distance myself a little this time with Heng Ai, hoping these feelings wouldn't really kick in until I got on the plane, that it wouldn't be so painful this time.  No such luck.  Ouch, ouch, ouch (breathe, breathe, breathe, etc)!

Okay, out of my whiney booth.  There isn't a darn thing I can do to get that TA to arrive any sooner, even if I feel like we got skipped.  I sure am having a grand time with Esther and the boys.   I'm trying to focus on Esther more, knowing that the arrival of a big sister will affect her more than anyone.  She's really into books lately and loves to carry around big piles of books, settle herself in with a blanket, and enjoy "reading" to herself (the same 10 or so books, over and over and over again).  She moved into a big girl bed at Christmas and I have loved lying down with her at nap time, and watching out of the corner of my eye to see her eyelids droop, then finally close.  She has been very affectionate lately too, and wants to hug and be held, which is just delightful.  At naptime she usually leans over to say, "We're best fwends, right Mom?  Best buddies."  How can you not be helplessly in love with such a sweetie?

Josh and Caleb had to dress up today for the Valentine's etiquette brunch, where (shudder) they were each partnered with a girl they had to escort, serve, etc.  At first they resisted dressing up at all, but by the time they left this morning, to my surprise, they both had white shirts, ties, and sport coats on.  They looked so sharp, wish I had taken a picture (story of my life).  Josh has some really great friends who give him great recommendation on books to read, and that boy can charge through a series of books in a week.  We've caught him reading waaaay after bedtime, but as much as I want to chastise him, I'm secretly proud. 

Caleb brought home a New Year's Resolution list that he made at school.  His two resolutions are to turn in his homework on time, and to build a robot or machine by 2012.  Okaaaay.  He'll have to work with Dad on that one.  He does get a kick out of taking things apart and trying to fix them, and as always, he is absolutely confident that he'll figure it out.  He modified his valentines' box to include a slide with backstop.  Very inventive (but lousy at cleaning up after his experiments.

I should get to bed  - this post has taken me about an hour and a half, but that is mostly because Jason has been talking nonstop, and I'm trying to convey the impression that I'm actually paying attention  :)

LOA! LOA!

We found out on Monday that a family we met through the internet (who are also adopting their daughter from Wuhan, Hubei, China) got their LOA, also known as Letter of Acceptance, the next step in the China adoption process. The LOA is a big thing because it is the biggest question mark in the process - the wait for LOA can be from 50 days to 150 days, and the uncertainty is particularly discouraging. This family was logged in the day after us, so I was cautiously hopeful that we'd hear something soon, especially since we wanted to travel with this family (our daughters have been in photos together, so we are hoping they are buddies and will draw strength from each other as they go through this monumentally changing experience). So, I sent a timid "is there any way to find out, if you have the time, could you check...etc" email to our agency and surprise, the next day we got word that our LOA had arrived as well! This is GOOD NEWS, all we wait for now is Travel Approval, and once we have that we can make a consulate appointment and book our flights! We are expecting to travel some time between the end of February and the first of March. AND I can finally post a picture of the little girl who has been slowly growing in our hearts. The first picture is one taken when her initial adoption paperwork was submitted. She seems so young, and so sad. Most of the pictures we have of her are of a very solemn faced, serious little girl, and I have been so anxious to see a smile on her face. In November, we sent money to a company in China that sent her a cake for her birthday, and we were rewarded with the most glorious photos, and a glimpse of how beautiful she is when she smiles. I'm hoping that the expression on her birthday photo is from knowing that she is loved, that she has a family who wants her and is excited to see her. What a difference love can make!

I still can't quite wrap my head around being the mom to four children (though if you count Jason, I already am) but I know in my soul that this is the right thing, and that my loving Father in Heaven will bless me, will stretch my heart so that there is room for this precious daughter, will forgive me for my inherent selfishness, will give me the strength and tools to help my new daughter and my other children adjust to the changes ahead. Thank heavens Mike is totally on board about this. I think he has been more sure from the beginning of this adoption than I have been. He is such a great dad, and especially tender and loving with Esther, so I know he will win HengAi over in no time. I just hope she likes me!

The holidays

Well, I have been a rather shoddy blogger lately, but at least I don't still have a photo of McCain on my blog (ahem, Rose... time to update, girl!). The holidays were awesome, and for the first time in my motherhood life, I regretted the boys going back to school. No, it isn't that they suddenly realized how much they adore each other and spent their days desperately trying to serve each other with love and kindness (let me pause a moment, the thought of them behaving like that just makes me laugh, hahahaha). I think it is just because the Christmas holidays are short enough that you get a break from homework and the routine of school, but not so long that you forget just how lucky you are to have the break, and start in with the "I'm boooorrrrreeedddd, Mom." Plus Mike had Dec 25, 26, Jan 1 & 2 off, and we were able to go some fun places together. AND, I got my Christmas cards out before Christmas Eve, and that I haven't done since, well, ever, I think.

Mike and I have always been fortunate to live near our parents, and so every Christmas holiday we've tried to fit in both families. At first, we went to two Christmas Eve parties, then to both set of parents' houses on Christmas Day. This year, for the first time, we stayed home on both Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day, and it was wonderful. Not that we could have gone anywhere if we'd wanted to; we got hit with 18 inches of snow and traveling anywhere was pretty much out of the question.

Photos are of the kids on Christmas morning before opening presents,

Sam and Jen's gift: Nerf Torture,

Esther kissing her frog from G & G Housley, and

Mike with his always-requested rope.

The boys knew we were getting new bunk beds, but assumed they would be for the girls, so it was fun on Christmas morning to have the final gift be new reading lamps that were desk-type. Caleb looked at me like I was a doofus and reminded me that these lamps wouldn't work for their beds, and that's when I got to tell him that they'd work fine for their new beds sitting out in the garage. They are bookshelf bunkbeds, the kind of beds they had wanted since they are such packrats and their bedside tables can't possibly hold all the "treasures" they need to keep near them (and that they keep rescuing from the garbage can, darn it). They were pretty excited, until it came time to assemble the monstrosity - then Mike and I were on our own. The beds look great, and the girls' room, with the boys' old beds, is all ready for two little princesses. Yeah, if I'd been thinking, I'd have taken pictures when the rooms were nice and tidy. I'll work on that... Mike surprised me with a new computer, and not just a new one, but an iMac. It looks awesome, seems to work great except that I can't figure out most of the things I want to do (which is why I'm doing this post from our laptop). I even had to look up how to shut the thing down! I'm sure we'll get it figured out, at some point. What I really need is the latest version of Macintosh for Dummies.

We took a quick trip to St. George and Mesquite to get a break from the snow and cold, and to visit with Josh's birthmom and her family. We had met her father and brother just after Josh was born, but it was a highly emotional time for us all. This time, we just were able to relax, eat out a couple of times, have Sunday dinner in Mesquite at Mike's parents' condo (thank you Bob and Linda!) and play Pit until we were all hoarse. It was surprising how relaxed and non-stressful it was to spend time together. We are so lucky to have this opportunity to spend some time with them. I think it gives Josh lots to think about, but overall it is a very positive thing for him - at some point he will have answers to questions that many adopted children have in their lives. And our daughters will have the concept that birthmothers are real, they exist, and maybe that will answer some questions for them as well.

New Year's Eve has never been a big holiday for Mike and I, especially now that we have children. So, no big plans for the grownups, as we usually struggle to stay up till midnight anyway. We did promise to wake up the boys at midnight to bang some pots and pans, but they told us to go away when we tried to wake them up (but didn't remember it in the morning, so we were roundly chastized for failing to keep our word). We did have a nice dinner planned, with a whole roasted chicken. Just before dinner was ready, I was trying to remove some Nerf Guns from their ridiculous packaging. I couldn't get the tips of the scissors under the cable tie that secured the gun to the cardboard, so I went to grab Mike's pocket knife. I thought I was being careful, but my honkin' muscles were too much and I powered through that cable tie and continued on into my left thumb. I dropped the knife and started cursing myself for being so foolish as I ran to the bathroom, then hollered for Mike. Of course, the boys could tell there was something cool and interesting happening, so before long we had the whole dang family in the little bathroom with everyone trying to see. I let go of the grip on my thumb just long enough for Mike to say, "Yep, you're going to need stitches." Surprisingly, it didn't really hurt that bad, and I just wanted to drive myself to the Urgent Care, but apparently they closed early that day (Hey! They never did that when Mike worked there!) and I could either make a $300 trip to the ER or bind it up good, eat dinner, put the kids to bed, then have Mike stitch it up at his clinic, all for the price of a hug and kiss. Hmmm. $300 or some alone time with Mike... The lengths I go to for a date night with my hubby!

So, we spent our evening at his office. I was very interested in watching him stitch me up, until he deadened my thumb (and THAT hurt!) and then it was like watching him handle a dead finger, and that kind of creeped me out. Especially when he had to probe in there to see if I cut a tendon. Eeeeewwww. I was very lucky and missed them both. It was cool to see Mike at work, and know there probably aren't many other doctors in Cache Valley with more experience stitching up fingers. So, eight of the finest stitches ever seen (this man can tie a square knot!). He did say I was not to wash dishes until the stitches come out, but let's get real. Like I'm really going to get out of that. He did not exempt me from changing poopy diapers, unfortunately. Don't you think there would be more germs to worry about in that situation?

After New Years, we packed up and drove the 3 hours to my parents' cabin near Strawberry Reservior, and had a great time sledding and hanging out there. My parents have worked so hard to make that a welcoming place, and I love seeing lots of toys, books, misc things from my childhood get a second chance up there. It is a long way to drive, but we had such a good time there. My dad just bought a 4-wheeler, and we drove that thing up and down the road that was perfect for sledding. Sled down, tow everyone back up, sled down, tow everyone back up, repeated about 100 times. Esther was such a trooper, never complained of being cold, and had no fear on a sled. Oddly though, she wouldn't walk on the deck of the cabin without holding someone's hand because she could see down through the cracks to the ground 15 feet below. Of course I was able to take one photo before the camera battery died, and it was a lousy photo at that. We really had a good time, and the kids all did great in the car, both coming and going. We stopped at a Chinese restaurant in Heber on the way home, and Caleb ate a whole plate of salted pepper squid. And this is the child who turns up his nose at peanut butter! I'm thinking he'll do just fine in China.